Today I want all of you Americans to do something.  I want you to drink (responsibly), eat (irresponsibly), speak your mind (make your choice there), and finally (should your state laws allow it) blow stuff up!  I want you to do all of those things because it is your right as American people!  Should you do the things that I mentioned know that I do not want you to do them for me but for all of those in the past and the future who have fought and will fight for this big giant chunk of Awesome we call the U.S.A.!

Happy Birthday America! F**k yeahhh!!!

P.S. don’t do the drinking part unless your over 21!

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